A mentor once said to me, “We have to commit more to the work than the words.”

That phrase stuck with me. In equity and leadership conversations, we often get caught up in debating language, what to call something, which term feels right, or who’s using the “correct” words. But with that simple phrase, I was reminded that clarity without connection doesn’t move the work forward.

Words can both connect and divide. Too often, they’re co-opted, reshaped to fit an agenda, or used to dismiss and divide. Especially in conversations about equity, language can become the battlefield instead of the bridge.

But what if we focused less on defending the words and more on clarifying what we actually mean?

A colleague once told me about a funder who dismissed the idea of equity outright. The word had become politicized for him, a signal of something he didn’t agree with. Rather than shutting down the conversation, his colleague gently said, “That surprises me. You’ve invested deeply in housing and education in our community, aren’t those equity issues?”

The funder paused. “Yes,” he said. “Maybe I just don’t know what you mean by equity.”
That moment shifted everything. Once they clarified the meaning, they could get to the work.

Grounding in empathy matters. When words are tied to who we are, to our values, cultures, or lived experiences, it’s not just disagreement about terms. It’s a question of whether we feel seen or safe in the conversation. Recognizing that helps us approach each other with more care.

This is what it looks like to commit more to the work than the words:

• Begin with shared language conversations. Before you jump into strategy, pause to ask: When we say ‘equity’ (or any other key term), what do we each mean? Capture the range of perspectives. Alignment and disagreement both offer insight.

• Name the intention behind words. Invite people to share why they use certain terms. This simple act can transform defensiveness into dialogue.

• Practice curiosity before correction. When you hear a term that lands wrong, resist the urge to correct it immediately. Ask what matters most to the person using it. This pause often reveals a shared value beneath the language.

• Use words as invitations, not weapons. When language becomes polarized, return to its essence. Ask: What human value is this word trying to express?

• Translate meaning into action. Once shared understanding is built, move it into behavior, decisions, and systems. Words like “accountability” or “respect” matter most when lived out loud, through decisions and daily practice. Try clarity checkpoints at key stages of a project to revisit definitions, paraphrase to test alignment (“So when you say accountability, you mean…?”), and model “both/and” framing to integrate differing perspectives.

• Revisit meaning as the work evolves. Language isn’t fixed. Schedule time to reflect on how your understanding is shifting as your team, context, or world changes.

• When tension arises, pause to repair rather than retreat. Naming a misunderstanding can itself be a bridge.

Of course, some people will say, “We don’t need to define this again, we need to act.” Fatigue is real. Many of us have spent years naming, defining, and redefining words like diversity, inclusion, and equity. But without shared meaning, our actions splinter. Clarity isn’t a delay in the work; it’s the foundation of it.

Others may worry that talking about moving beyond polarization asks them to compromise their truth or soften their convictions. It doesn’t. Nuance isn’t neutrality. It’s how we hold complexity without losing accountability. Clarifying language doesn’t erase pain or history; it helps us stay in right relationship as we address them.

Yes, some will say this all sounds idealistic. That no one has time for it. But I’ve seen how a few minutes of true listening can change the course of an entire conversation. The funder story is proof of that.

If we want to move beyond polarization, we have to evolve the skills that help us hear what’s beneath the words, to find shared values even when our language diverges.

Because the real work of any shared endeavor isn’t just in what we say. It’s in how we stay.

The next time you step into a charged conversation, listen for the meaning beneath the words. Ask what shared value is being protected. That’s where the bridge begins.

If you or your team are ready to move beyond surface conversations and practice the kind of curiosity that builds real trust, let’s talk.

Through coaching and facilitated sessions, I help leaders and teams strengthen their ability to navigate tension, clarify shared meaning, and act with integrity, especially when the stakes are high.

Start with a conversation.

https://www.culture-principles.com/contact/